SPUDSEC
Your Future Husband
If you're here because of that silly business card being handed out all over DEF CON — hi, it's me, Spud, your future hacker husband.
What started as a silly annual Twitter post is turning into... well, this.
Background
My best friend Z (Zatoichi), a fellow member of DC540, married their first partner at DEF CON many years ago. It was such a cute, nerdy idea that it became my endgame too.
About Me
Hi, I'm Spud. You may know me online as SpudSec, SpudSecurity, or — on The Apps™ — HackerCub. I'm a goofy, dorky, security potato with a tinge of the 'tism, based in the Greater Washington, DC Metropolitan Area.
By day, I work as a security engineer for BigTelecom™©® Co., Ltd. By night, I'm a proud simp for Northern VA's own DC540 (Virginia's #2 Cult) and DC443 (Maryland's #3 Cult). I'm also affiliated with DC225 in my home state of Louisiana, and DC202 in our nation's capital.
What I enjoy:
- Hiking, camping, cycling, picking heavy things up and putting them down
- All furry critters, but bonus points for cats and dogs
- Embedded systems, video and board games, sci-fi books
- Ska, drum and bass, punk rock, whatever's on Eurovision, industrial, and more
- Cooking, traveling, roadtrips
- Cuddles, belly rubs, and vegging out on the couch
- Being the golden retriever boyfriend
Fun stats:
- Age: 32
- Gender: Cis male
- Pronouns: He/him, they/them
- Height: 6'2" (~190cm)
Here's What the Critics Say About SpudSec
What I'm Looking For (and What You Get in Return)
Minimum requirements:
- An older individual, 35 years or older
- Male/enby masc: beefy, bearish, and dominant. Beard preferred, body hair optional.
- or Female/enby fem: tall, curvy, muscular, but also dominant
- Gentle, patient, and caring
- Must like cats (I have one — though I also love dogs and other critters)
Trans men and trans women are men and women, so don't hesitate to apply either.
My ideal partner is someone patient, gentle, and guiding, but also "dominant" — not just in a kink context. Dominance isn't only about control, it's about leading a relationship. In return, you get a loyal, loving, and obedient partner who will be by your side always, and who will do anything to show their appreciation for you — the same way they show appreciation for everyone they cherish in their life, platonic or not.
What I get is a partner who leads and guides me, but is also happy to have me by their side. Let me be your smart, goofy, golden retriever partner.
How to Contact Me
Use any of the contact info on the business card, or above.
If You're Actually Interested — Rules of Engagement
This isn't Grindr, Snapchat, or [insert app here]. While this is an unserious proposal, I do expect that anyone reaching out wants this to turn into something serious, including a relationship.
Note: getting married isn't actually a requirement, but it would be nice in the long term.
When you reach out, please include:
- A minimum of one face picture of yourself
- A short or long bio — about yourself, how you found this, and anything else relevant
- Why you feel you'd be a good partner for me
- Any fun facts about yourself
- How you'd like to continue the conversation (Twitter/Bluesky DMs, or the email on the business card)
Other Important Notes
Looking for my hacker husband. Yes, this is real. I'm not joking.